Did I Just Tell My Client "I Love You"? And Why That Might Be Okay
Something happened at a client appreciation dinner last year that I’m somewhat embarrassed by. Let me back up with some context first. Being based in Des Moines, Iowa, I don’t often get to meet with our coastal clients in person. When I do, it’s always really exciting and special. With this particular client, we had just wrapped up a four-year project. We talked daily and had become friends. During the project timeline, her mom had passed away and I’d lost my dad to cancer. Oh, and there was a pandemic, too.
So, back to the dinner with this particular client, her co-worker, and my co-worker. As we hugged to say goodbye, I blurted out “Love you!” as good friends often do—especially women from my experience. My client replied in kind, so it felt “cool,” but afterwards I couldn’t help but think, “Did I just tell a client I loved them? And is that weird?”
When I think about my teams (both those I managed and those I was a member of) over the course of my career, there seems to have been the version of love that is often referred to as “agape,” a word derived from the Greek verb “agapan,” which means to “greet with affection.” While the term has largely been used in Christian writing in the last decade or so, there’s been a great deal written about “agape love” in the workplace. When Forbes publishes an article about agape, you know it has received some mainstream interest!
When I asked Google Gemini for an overview with the prompt “agape love in the workplace” it pulled together a rather nice summary:
"Agape love" in the workplace refers to a selfless, unconditional love shown toward colleagues, where individuals prioritize the well-being and success of others within the team, even when it means putting their own needs aside, essentially demonstrating a high level of compassion, kindness, and support without expecting anything in return; it's considered the highest form of love that can be applied in a professional setting, fostering a positive and collaborative work environment.”
Seeking more information on the topic, I discovered and really enjoyed reading Agape in the Workplace: A Survey Among Medium and Large Dutch Companies from the Humanistic Management Journal, which interestingly enough tells the story of the Empire State Building and agape (no spoiler alerts here!).
What has been truly exciting about researching agape in a professional sense is to witness the everyday values and behaviors of our Collabry team —compassion and support, deep empathy and listening, a focus on the collective good, prioritizing inclusivity, and a desire to make positive impacts.
As I mentioned earlier, my dad passed away not quite three years ago. I’m grateful to have his published works to turn to at times. In one of his books, For Others to Follow, he wrote, “Love is presented as the foundation of leadership, leading to moral choices that are automatically in concert with the agape imperative.”
With all this in mind, perhaps it was okay to have blurted a “Love you!” to a dear client. And perhaps it’s okay to end a team call with “love y’all” from time to time, with no awkwardness whatsoever.